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	<title>Samrat Sharma  &#187; writing</title>
	<atom:link href="http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/category/writing/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" />
	<link>http://samratsharma.com/words</link>
	<description>gamer/geek/dreamer</description>
	<lastBuildDate>Tue, 21 Jun 2011 10:54:12 +0000</lastBuildDate>
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		<title>The Storm is bigger and nastier than you think</title>
		<link>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2011/06/21/the-storm-is-bigger-and-nastier-than-you-think/</link>
		<comments>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2011/06/21/the-storm-is-bigger-and-nastier-than-you-think/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 21 Jun 2011 10:54:12 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>serioussam</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[General]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[rants]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[videogames]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[writing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[games]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[storm]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://samratsharma.com/words/?p=315</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[So a game journalist source of Bill Harris over at Dubious Quality had some things to say about publishers and their renewed interest in screwing journo&#8217;s jollies: http://dubiousquality.blogspot.com/2011/04/storm.html There&#8217;s a sequel to this post, in which they bring up Eurogamer, Rock Paper Shotgun and others as hallmarks of Game Journalism (they truly are, never think [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>So a game journalist source of Bill Harris over at Dubious Quality had some things to say about publishers and their renewed interest in screwing journo&#8217;s jollies:</p>
<p>http://dubiousquality.blogspot.com/2011/04/storm.html</p>
<p>There&#8217;s a sequel to this post, in which they bring up Eurogamer, Rock Paper Shotgun and others as hallmarks of Game Journalism (they truly are, never think I doubt that), and go on to say that the death of independent ballsy publications like these over the IGNs or the Gamespots of the world will be the loss for all readers.</p>
<p>By looking at the consumer and the industry as one entity aligned against disparate news and websites varied in their quality of journalism, the source is making the same mistake he assumes people make against game journalists.<br />
This is something that also part of the problem loop, as much as you or I wish it weren’t. Consider this: the games industry is not just Gears of War or Skyrim or Modern Warfare, it is also smaller games, and medium tier games. We all know this, and yet we don’t practice it. Some with artistic integrity, and some with just enough spit and polish to be fun, but not wholly original. They are all works that deserve to be talked about, to be shown to people, to be discussed as original/unoriginal, refreshing/bland. And yet we don’t. Most of the coverage you see from even the most respected outlets is about the big names. A slew of Skyrim screenshots is page one news, while a new XBLA or PC game announcement is hardly ever mentioned. Even the publications I most respect are party to this. I do a search for Terraria on Eurogamer, a publication I respect above all else, except maybe RPS, and I see a “No results found” page.</p>
<p>Where is the coverage for Ghost Recon Online for the Wii U? It was on the show floor at the E3 Nintendo booth, and while it may have been too bland/unfinished or anything else to be seen by journos, it is almost as if it wasn’t there. You know why that is? I was at the Nintendo booth at E3, and the VIP and the regular show floors had the game, but the “press” both on the second floor didn’t – understandable as it was Nintendo’s showcase floor and they only wanted to show their own demos. There is your lack of proper journalism right there. Here’s a game announced and playable at the show floor, but the barest of peeps were heard from the news outlets. I could count many such instances, but the fact is that this happens too.</p>
<p>Also thinking of your audience as one huddled mass is quite sad. The death of Eurogamer WILL affect the large Eurogamer community that attends the expo, takes part in discussions on the boards and carries that badge proudly. Same for any other website – but a large percentage of consumers now treat games just the same as films. They see reviews on their favourite general magazine or newspaper or Sunday supplement and go ahead and buy it if their friends also make a fuss about it. The reason they do not turn to specialist outlets has a lot to do with the casual way in which they interact with their gaming time, but I have also seen a lot of hardcore gaming friends completely disenchanted with the journalism on display. The 7 to 9 scale is not a myth or an exaggeration. You know it’s a reality, and even some of the most respected outlets are guilty of that. The fact that competency in craft and polish count for more than artistic integrity, vision or even fun in game reviews is true enough; the PR and publishing wings of most game companies accept that. They may be part of the problem, but they are now working with that – they want to convince the “legitimate” news outlets more than the gaming press which will grant them an 8 anyway (unless the game’s quite boring, in which case they get a 7).</p>
<p>My point is that saying that there are different, better game journalists in the same statement where game companies, games and the audiences are homogenised is just as bad, and contributes to the problem. We are stuck in a vicious cycle of pandering to the biggest and the loudest, and the biggest and loudest publications (in this case being non-specialist press) is getting preferential treatment is not a surprise. By calling themselves part of the “games industry”, gaming press has subjected themselves to the machinations of the very industry which forgets the small ones.</p>
<p>There are defiant small player in every part of this equation – sites like RPS or GWJ, the small, well made games, the indie developer, and the discerning fan who reads better kinds of journalism. We need to celebrate them all equally; the entire cycle is nothing without any of them.</p>
<p>Disclaimer &#8211; I work for a games developer, and am a fan of well written games journalism and discussion. None of what I say here comes from my employer.</p>
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		<title>Call of Duty Black Ops : Shooty mcbangy bang</title>
		<link>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2010/11/16/call-of-duty-black-ops/</link>
		<comments>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2010/11/16/call-of-duty-black-ops/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 16 Nov 2010 11:27:10 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>serioussam</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[videogames]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[weirdness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[writing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[activision]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[black ops]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Call of duty]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Call of duty black ops]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[infinity ward]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[michael bay]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Modern Warfare 2]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[multiplayer]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[treyarch]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2010/11/16/shooty-mcbangy-bang/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[So I played the new Call of Duty. More specifically Call of Duty: Black Ops. Even more specifically in internetese: COD BLOPS. I love that name, don&#8217;t you? BLOPS. Completely devoid of the utter destruction inherent in the game it describes. Come to think of it, I may have eaten some BLOPS sometimes in me [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><br/><br/><br />
<img src="http://i442.photobucket.com/albums/qq142/GameWorldgr/2010/BlackOps.jpg" alt="Call of Duty Black Ops" /></p>
<p>So I played the new Call of Duty. More specifically Call of Duty: Black Ops. Even more specifically in internetese: COD BLOPS. I love that name, don&#8217;t you? BLOPS. Completely devoid of the utter destruction inherent in the game it describes. Come to think of it, I may have eaten some BLOPS sometimes in me life. </p>
<p>Anyway, it was fun. Now I have made posts that may lead one to think I hate generic blockbuster shooters. I don&#8217;t. I hate generic blockbuster shooters that want you to think they are an intelligent piece of art commenting on the human condition. Remember no Russian? (see what I did there? Never mind.) BLOPS was entirely fun. It was made to look and act like a stupid 80s action film, and it does that. If you have a specific itch to shoot people in the face while moving along a fixed path whilst things blow up all to kingdom come around you, BLOPS will scratch it to HELL. </p>
<p>It occurs to me that most people are perfectly content to shoot humans in the face with pyrotechnics all around. By that yardstick BLOPS is for most humans. It isn&#8217;t especially different or interesting or builds a great world, but that&#8217;s not what most people want, yes? It&#8217;s not the best Call of Duty game ever made, it&#8217;s not even the most polished. For a game that choreographs each set piece, it often breaks its own rules about not keeping the player in the dark. The best thing about it I can say is that it is probably the best game Treyarch has made yet. And after years of mediocre Spider-man games and Calls of Duty, at least Activision&#8217;s hajaar dollars have made them competitive enough. </p>
<p>Long the bastard child of the CoD franchise, Treyarch has earned both player ire and mainstream derision by being mediocre and delivering games made by committee. They still do that here, but at least they do that with a sense of humour and a hitherto missing maturity. Maturity in development only, of course. The vision is still the 12 year old gun freak&#8217;s porn. Check your boxes for semen. </p>
<p>In any case, the story making a point to establish that it is bunkum makes up for the ludicrous ending, and you can enjoy the Shooty bits without rolling your eyes too much. It looks fantastic too. The production values, or to call it by its technical name, Activision&#8217;s 3rd world debt ending budget, are what they are &#8211; astounding and beyond comprehension. </p>
<p>I could pretend I give a rat&#8217;s ass about the multiplayer, but I can&#8217;t be arsed. It&#8217;s as good or as bad as you think the last one was. I&#8217;ll play it for a few months and then move on to some obscure German RPG, though, so the question is not for me to answer. Meanwhile, here: it is Mostly Harmless. </p>
<p>The set pieces do not overtly steal anything from a famous film, so at least I think the multiplayer will have some originality too, as much as is possible for  a Call of Duty game to be original. (Infinity Ward were an amazing developer, but they pegged the biggest moments of their games on moments from iconic films. Back when they were 2015, it was Saving Private Ryan. With the first Call of Duty it was Enemy at the Gates and so on. With Modern Warfare 2, it was Bad Boys 2, so you can imagine how deep the shit hole was in which they found themselves at the end of that game. PS Anyone who likes both should probably try and grow a real beard before they can discuss the merits of any artistic endeavour with me. )</p>
<p>ANYWAY, Call of Duty Black Ops is perfectly okay, and not at all pompous or stuffy like its predecessor, so if you ever wanted to play a Michael Bay movie, this will work just fine. </p>
<p>Now where&#8217;s my Risen at. </p>
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		<title>Sherlock Holmes</title>
		<link>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2010/01/15/sherlock-holmes/</link>
		<comments>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2010/01/15/sherlock-holmes/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 15 Jan 2010 06:03:09 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>serioussam</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[movies]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[writing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Review]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Robert Downey Jr.]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sherlock Holmes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sherlock Homes 2009]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://samratsharma.com/words/?p=278</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Where I review the new Sherlock Holmes film. I can find faults with the film all day, but I can equally find good things to say about Downey Jr.&#8217;s and Law&#8217;s amazing work. Sherlock Holmes is not a flawless film, but it is immensely enjoyable, and definite good times at the cinemas. It doesn&#8217;t require [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.fullhyderabad.com/profile/movies/3361/2/sherlock-holmes_review#tabs">Where I review</a> the new Sherlock Holmes film.</p>
<p><img src="http://i105.photobucket.com/albums/m216/s3rioussam/sherlock-holmes-movie.jpg" alt="Sherlock Holmes" /></p>
<blockquote><p>
I can find faults with the film all day, but I can equally find good things to say about Downey Jr.&#8217;s and Law&#8217;s amazing work. Sherlock Holmes is not a flawless film, but it is immensely enjoyable, and definite good times at the cinemas. It doesn&#8217;t require you to keep your brains at home, but neither does it necessarily stimulate it. It&#8217;s the Holmes-as-action-superhero conceit, and it works stunningly.
</p></blockquote>
<p>More at <a href="http://www.fullhyderabad.com/profile/movies/3361/2/sherlock-holmes_review#tabs">Fullhyd</a>.</p>
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		<title>Naah</title>
		<link>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2007/08/13/naah/</link>
		<comments>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2007/08/13/naah/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 13 Aug 2007 08:41:36 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>serioussam</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[note to self]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[research material]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[writing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2007/08/13/naah/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Maggie woke up to see the lizard sitting comfortably over the now stationary fan. She hated lizards; this one particularly so because it was huge, scaly, and somehow reaffirmed the alien status of the place she lived in. It had a body like baby croc, she thought, and big beady eyes staring at her with [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Maggie woke up to see the lizard sitting comfortably over the now stationary fan. She hated lizards; this one particularly so because it was huge, scaly, and somehow reaffirmed the alien status of the place she lived in. It had a body like baby croc, she thought, and big beady eyes staring at her with lizardly lust. Sweating more than she had in her entire life, Maggie got up to draw the curtains back, but one glance outside made her change her mind. The electricity kicked back in, the table fan whirred back to life, and the bastard lizard lazily moved down to the table, one eye still leching. She had tried telling the manager (Ha! Manager! Seedy-motherfucker-who-ran-this-joint, more like), but it just hid itself every time the slimy bastard came to the room. He was more interested in the underwear anyway, the fucker. Last night she had closed the hole in the wall with her bag, but it found a way out from somewhere else. Today morning she actually hit it with her shoes, but it got up again and licked her bag. She was never going to touch the bag again.<br />
The phone rang again. She finally got up and put on a tee shirt. She knew the little hole in front of the phone was where the Ukrainian lesbian prostitute dancer from next door was standing, trying to get a peek. As she picked it up, the lizard moved away from the table, almost as if it knew who it was on the line.<br />
&#8220;Uhrr&#8230; Hello?&#8221;<br />
Maggie hated her own voice in the mornings.<br />
There was no mistaking the smoked out voice from the other end.<br />
&#8220;<em>Firangi bhenchod</em>, it&#8217;s time.&#8221;<br />
She hated it when he called her Firangi.</p>
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		<slash:comments>6</slash:comments>
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		<title>On Andy&#8217;s comments</title>
		<link>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2006/07/17/on-andys-comments/</link>
		<comments>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2006/07/17/on-andys-comments/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 17 Jul 2006 18:26:57 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>serioussam</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[writing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2006/07/17/on-andys-comments/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[She broke my heart, I wanted her dead; I mused when I was lying in my bed. Loneliness drives you to extremes; Sometimes you begin to see all in red. I called him on the phone, made a deal under the veil; He said there was a discount on the second hit, their summer sale. [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>She broke my heart, I wanted her dead;<br />
I mused when I was lying in my bed.<br />
Loneliness drives you to extremes;<br />
Sometimes you begin to see all in red.</p>
<p>I called him on the phone, made a deal under the veil;<br />
He said there was a discount on the second hit, their summer sale.<br />
His deal kept on getting better, unitl I could afford everyone dead;<br />
I was scared as he smiled and said, &#8220;Sir, we can get them for you wholesale&#8221;.</p>
<p>&#8211;Inspired by a story I read a long time back. I know it doesn&#8217;t make sense, though.</p>
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		<title>There&#8217;s a comic book out there for everyone and I want your help</title>
		<link>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2005/11/29/theres-a-comic-book-out-there-for-everyone-and-i-want-your-help/</link>
		<comments>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2005/11/29/theres-a-comic-book-out-there-for-everyone-and-i-want-your-help/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 29 Nov 2005 14:10:58 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>serioussam</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[General]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[comics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[writing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2005/11/29/theres-a-comic-book-out-there-for-everyone-and-i-want-your-help/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[There's a comic book out there for everyone and I want your help]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I believe there is a comic book out there for everyone. There, I&#8217;ve said it.</p>
<p>Most people think that comic books equal superheroes. They couldn&#8217;t be farther from the truth. Super heroes is a genre. Just like drama, action, horror. Comic books are a medium. A very under-appreciated  medium at that. Every single genre from horror to romantic comedy, from espionage to science fiction, from drama to social commentary is being covered in the medium right now. The Graphic novel influx in India has just begun, and the quality of the literature being published in the genre, as a whole, is arguable never been better. What is a Graphic Novel? The wikipedia has some <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graphic_novel">interesting information</a>or you could take one minute and read this far more <a href="http://www.artbomb.net/comics/introgn.jsp">entertaining definition</a> by artbabe.  Go ahead, I&#8217;ll wait.</p>
<p>Back? Right, then. Like I said, there&#8217;s a graphic novel/comic book out there for <b>everyone</b> right now, they just might not know it yet. I believe that is the case with videogames too, but the spread across all genres in videogames is not so varied or dense. Plus the fact that all of you, whoever is reading this, you read. Which automatically means if a graphic novel is from your favourite genre, or is suitably well written and presented, you are more than likely to get entertained by it.</p>
<p>Sample this: in any <i>given month</i>, the number one selling book sells at most 250,000 units. In it&#8217;s opening <i>weekend</i>, something as universally panned as <b>Catwoman</b> sold 1,670,000 tickets. I think this is because most people are not aware that there exists material that would entertain them more than the latest syrup coated family wedding flick.</p>
<p>Though I am a misanthropist when I want to be, I refuse to believe people are so stupid that they will shun <b>Sin City</b> for <b>Aashiqui Banaya Aapney</b>. I don&#8217;t believe that at least a third of the people who watch <b>Law and Order</b> wouldn&#8217;t enjoy <b>Gotham Central</b>. I don&#8217;t believe for one second that one <b>Lord of The Rings</b> fan out of ten wouldn&#8217;t enjoy <b>Conan</b>. Likewise for <b>George Romero</b> fans and <b>The Walking Dead</b>. You can&#8217;t tell me that at least 10 percent of Ludlum fans wouldn&#8217;t enjoy <b>Sleeper</b> or <b>Queen and Country</b>. What about movies like <b>Lost in Translation</b>? Wouldn&#8217;t one person out of a hundred  who liked the movie enjoy something like <b>Blankets</b>?</p>
<p>Not to mention older fans. People who just stopped reading comics after the superhero glut. They might be persuaded to pick up <b>Transmetropolitan</b>, and see that spandex and tights are not the be all and end all of comics. Won&#8217;t an old Superman fan love to see what they did in <b>Red Son</b> or <b>Birthright</b>? Or a wouldn&#8217;t Spider-man fan like to see the new <b>Ultimate Spider-man</b> line, and see what they&#8217;ve done to their favorite character?</p>
<p>If they were aware of these books.</p>
<p>This is where it all boils down, the point of the whole thing. Comment to this post, and I will recommend a Graphic Novel for you. If you think I don&#8217;t know you that well, please tell me three things from different genres, irrespective of media, that have recently caught your fancy, or that you like/love/enjoy a lot. If you don&#8217;t know how to get your hands on it, I will tell you.<br />
One of you, and I mean a sum total of one from here and my <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serioussam/"> LJ</a>, gets to win a GraphicNovel I recommended to them, either digital or dead tree, depending on my poverty levels.</p>
<p>And the people who are even better read than I am (*cough* beatzo, gotjanx *cough*), start talking to your friends. Ask your pal who never misses an episode of <b>CSI</b> if he has heard of <b>Gotham Central</b>. Tell your girlfriend about <b>Sandman</b>. Tell your office mate who loves noir about <b>Sin City</b>. Tell your sister brother about <b>Bone</b>. Tell anyone about <b>Planetary</b>. Help me out with this post, let people know.</p>
<p>There is a comic book out there for everyone, and I want to help anyone interested enough to get started. If you&#8217;re still not sure about anything, email me at trceuvw02@sneakemail.com. I&#8217;ll be more than happy.</p>
<p>Next, videogames. <img src='http://samratsharma.com/words/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_razz.gif' alt=':P' class='wp-smiley' /> </p>
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		<title>The Cakes saga begins</title>
		<link>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2005/11/25/the-cakes-saga-begins/</link>
		<comments>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2005/11/25/the-cakes-saga-begins/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 25 Nov 2005 12:12:06 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>serioussam</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[General]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[writing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2005/11/25/the-cakes-saga-begins/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[There are probably many reasons why Cakes did not want to eat the last rat on the plate.]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>There are probably many reasons why Cakes did not want to eat the last rat on the plate. First of all, it was a rat. Not to make that last part any less horrifying, but the rat wasn&#8217;t even dead. It was in a quasi dead state; Cakes remembered that one time he got drunk at Kong&#8217;s flat and woke up feeling like a small caterpillar in a loud, shiny, uncomfortable world.<br />
The rat was Cakes with a hangover. Only smaller, dirtier, and far, far smellier. Cakes hated the fact that he was being offered a chance to eat himself, after the old women had all taken one each. The short, ugly one was staring at him now. Hard. He gulped. Twice.</p>
<p>The gulping was not helping at all. All six of them were now staring at him, all six short ugly old women, except the one to his right, who was tall and ugly. Between them they had about 10 and a half beady eyes to stare him with, and twelve very wrinkled, gnarly, yet impossibly strong hands to force feed him hungover rats with.</p>
<p>Cakes gave the scenario much thought and decided the best course of action was to faint. He promptly proceeded to do so.</p>
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		<title>I was bored&#8230;</title>
		<link>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2004/01/05/i-was-bored/</link>
		<comments>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2004/01/05/i-was-bored/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>samrat</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[General]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[writing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2004/01/05/i-was-bored/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I was bored&#8230; &#8230;and wrote this: What purpose does a deteriorating building, nay, an unhappy meeting of wood, stone, cement and mortar; serve being on the dockside of a busy seafaring town? One purpose at least was apparent from the uproarious sounds coming from within. The more investigative might notice the stench of ale, the [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><b>I was bored&#8230;</b></p>
<p>&#8230;and wrote this:</p>
<p>What purpose does a deteriorating building, nay, an unhappy meeting of wood, stone, cement and mortar; serve being on the dockside of a busy seafaring town? One purpose at least was apparent from the uproarious sounds coming from within. The more investigative might notice the stench of ale, the fighting noises, and the sailors entering quickly, and departing even more so, seeing as they were mostly thrown out, and they might conclude that it was a bar of much ill-repute and favored by sailors who laid anchor here. The observant, however might reach the same conclusion by looking at a battered, worn-down sign on the place that said, &#8220;Happy Sailor Bar and Inn&#8221;.</p>
<p>In its present delapidated state it actually said &#8220;Hap y S lor Bar n In &#8220;, but that is neither here nor there. It existed in a symbiotic relationship with the whore house next door, whose sign, unfortunately, had long since been used as firewood. The resident occupants of said neighboring building made sure that the rooms above the Inn saw more activity than is usual for a place meant to rest the sea-wearied bones of sailors.</p>
<p>The bar itself was a purulent place full of raucous sea hardened rapscallions, who by the sound and looks of it, had no room for remorse or decency. It wasn&#8217;t a clean place either; the never cleaned floor and tables were home to life forms grown exclusively on old ale, and food gone bad. It was the kind of place no decent person in his right state of mind would even contemplate to enter. But it served the best damn ale in the entire quad-island region, and the whores were by far the least swindling. These facts, of course invited all sorts of bandits, pirates, and your general variety of ne&#8217;er-do-gooders.</p>
<p>A lone venturer entered through the smelly doorway, straight into the putrid stench that seemed strangely at home in this place. He sidestepped over people lying on the floor. Some inebriated, some wounded badly, most were both. Empty bottles, clearly thrown as a strong point in an argument, whizzed by as he ducked them. Slurs and insults involving his ancestors and livestock followed suit as he ignored them too. Strange and greedy looks followed the small parcel he hung with his sword on his waist, as he made his way to the bar.</p>
<p>The bartender, who was also the innkeeper, approached. He was balding man of short stature, his small deep-set eyes weary from all the years of tending to misfits. You could tell the maleficence of the place somehow had an adverse affect on him, despite his round, fat torso. He gave a humorless, unwelcome smile, exposing the shiny golden color of his teeth, and said, &#8220;What�s it gonna be?�</p>
<p>The man stared directly through the thick air into the barkeep&#8217;s eyes and slowly said, &#8220;Surprise me&#8221;. The bartender gave a smirk that told the man he knew this was his first time here. He moved briskly behind the counter, and started commixing a beverage. He returned in less than two minutes and set the dirtiest mug ever seen all of quad -island region, filled with a frothing, bubbling orange liquid, in front of him.</p>
<p>The man muttered a tiny &#8220;Thanks&#8221;, and set about drinking his drink quickly. No sooner had the liquid touched his tongue and the roof of his mouth, all the nerves, all the senses in his body started throbbing and screaming to his brain that this was not fit for human consumption. His tongue longed for the sweet taste of rat-poison as the vile liquid violated the synapses in mouth and&#8230;</p>
<p>BLARCH!</p>
<p>The man spewed whatever it was he had drunk all over the bar. He turned to the bartender and screamed, &#8220;WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?�</p>
<p>A disconcerting quiet descended over the bar as the bartender looked up. His voice or face showed no sign of humor as he replied, &#8220;A Surprise&#8221;.</p>
<p>I intend to do something more with this, though.</p>
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		<title>Its a turd&#8230; its a stool&#8230; its poopy man!</title>
		<link>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2003/12/11/its-a-turd-its-a-stool-its-poopy-man/</link>
		<comments>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2003/12/11/its-a-turd-its-a-stool-its-poopy-man/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>samrat</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[humor]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2003/12/11/its-a-turd-its-a-stool-its-poopy-man/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Its a turd&#8230; its a stool&#8230; its poopy man! Every few hundred millennia, evolution leaps forward&#8230;. As much as I&#8217;d like to believe Prof. X, lately I seem to be surrounded by people who have NOT evolved in their intelligence beyond the Neanderthal age. And then they breed. Then there are more of them. I [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong>Its a turd&#8230; its a stool&#8230; its poopy man!</strong></p>
<p>Every few hundred millennia, evolution leaps forward&#8230;. </p>
<p>As much as I&#8217;d like to believe <a href="http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Stargate/5981/professorxbio.html">Prof. X</a>, lately I seem to be surrounded by people who have NOT evolved in their intelligence beyond the Neanderthal age. And then they breed. Then there are more of them. I hate that. Then they ALL come surround me with their idiocy and try to kill me with brain blunting acts and their sheer disregard to the human evolution. I hate that even more. Time will come when extra terrestrial life forms will come visit us, see these people, and then bye bye earth! We need to obliterate you to create an intergalactic highway, and don&#8217;t you tell us we didn&#8217;t tell you, because the notice has been up at the office of&#8230;.<br />Let it go, we all know of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0517542099/qid=1071145132/sr=12-4/103-5808131-0825434?v=glance&#038;s=books">Arthur Dent&#8217;s</a> misfortune.</p>
<p>Don&#8217;t get me wrong though. You see, I&#8217;m not saying I&#8217;m very bright either, but at least I&#8217;ve been potty trained. Ok, now is the time I warn you about potentially profane, probably gory and definitely dirty things that will follow. The sensitive among you will please stop reading, and go see these <a href="http://www.beautifulwallpapers.com/flowers.shtml">beautiful flowers</a>. NOT for women/children/people with heart diseases/easily offended people/family. STOP READING.</p>
<p>Though you really shouldn&#8217;t be surprised. I&#8217;m not very clean and politically correct when talking to most people. In fact,  I am the guy who takes interest in things like in-depth classification of boogers, and you know that.</p>
<p>Back to the discussion, WHY can&#8217;t these people follow simple basic rules of using male urinals in the office? They do things like try to strike conversation with you WHILE they are peeing! Uhhh I am thinking of right now baby, yeaaah! How&#8217;d you feel if I took my thing in my hand and start talking to you, turd? That&#8217;s right, not good! Then there are the ones who&#8217;d come stand NEXT TO YOU while you&#8217;re peeing, and then say things like, &#8216;boring meeting, huh?&#8217;. What do you want from me ass? You want me to turn around and face you, so that we can have a nice conversation, all the while soaking you with my pee? I am thinking NO. Then there&#8217;s buddy who walks up to the pee pee place, does his pee pee, and goes on out WITHOUT WASHING HIS HANDS! That&#8217;s right, he did not wash his fucking hands. And next time he sees me, he wants to SHAKE HANDS with me! Oh yeah? Well say hello to Mr. Namaste, moon turd.<br />You see this brick in my hand? It&#8217;s the brick OF JUSTICE. You see this head of yours? It&#8217;s the head OF EVIL. You feel this collision, where I smashed your skull in more pieces than Adnan Sami weighs in kilos? This is called EVOLUTION. And yours just stopped. Thanks for soiling the gene pool, fucker, now get OUT!</p>
<p>There, I needed to get that out. Okie, raise hands, all of you who did not heed the warning, read the post and got offended? You know, you should&#8217;ve listened. Thanks for all the fish.</p>
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		<title>Best Fest (bad pun)</title>
		<link>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2003/12/08/best-fest-bad-pun/</link>
		<comments>http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2003/12/08/best-fest-bad-pun/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>samrat</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[humor]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://samratsharma.com/words/archives/2003/12/08/best-fest-bad-pun/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Best Fest (bad pun) Sam&#8217;s malfunctioning list of the best things in the year 2003(a year that stayed still, and refused to budge) Best Restaurant: The Big Chill, ND. Runner-Up: The Nizam&#8217;s Club Mess, Hyd.Best Big Screen Movie: X-2 Runner-up: Pirates of the CaribbeanBest Pirated Movie: The Two Towers (I just know it.) Runner-up: Kill [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong>Best Fest (bad pun)</strong></p>
<p>Sam&#8217;s malfunctioning list of the best things in the year 2003(a year that stayed still, and refused to budge)</p>
<p>Best Restaurant: <a href="http://www.thehotspotonline.com/thewurld/articles/BigChill.htm">The Big Chill, ND</a>. Runner-Up: <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/contentedbloke/76981.html">The Nizam&#8217;s Club Mess</a>, Hyd.<br />Best Big Screen Movie: <a href="http://x2-movie.com/">X-2</a> Runner-up: <a href="http://pirates.movies.com/">Pirates of the Caribbean</a><br />Best Pirated Movie: <a href="http://lordoftherings.net/">The Two Towers</a> (I just know it.) Runner-up: <a href="http://www.kill-bill.com/">Kill Bill vol 1</a><br />Best Vacation I Missed: The second one to Hyderabad Runner-up: The nth one to Shimla</p>
<p>Best Butt: <a href=http://www.livejournal.com/users/minn/>Minn</a> Runner-up: <a href="http://www.indianceleb.com/preity/">Preity Zinta</a><br />Best Shape: Octagon Runner-up: Ellipse<br />Best Game: <a href="http://www.callofduty.com/">Call of Duty</a> Runner-Up: <a href="http://www.rockstargames.com/vicecity/pc/">GTA:Vice City</a><br />Best Console Port: <a href="http://www.splintercell.com/">Splinter Cell</a> Runner-up: <a href="http://www.microsoft.com/games/halo/">Halo</a><br />Best Marriage Hoax: Arunjeet Runner-up: Anshul</p>
<p>Best Browser: <a href="http://www.opera.com/">Opera</a> Runner-up: <a href="http://www.mozilla.org/products/firebird/">Firebird</a><br />Best Bruise: <a href=http://www.livejournal.com/users/thyla/>Thyla</a> Runner-up: Moi<br />Best Port: USB Runner-up: PS2<br />Best Camcorder movie: <a href="http://www.anshulj.com/">Communication Gap</a> Runner-Up: Gamasutra</p>
<p>Best Kathi Rolls: Nizam&#8217;s, CP, ND Runner-up: Sawhney&#8217;s, JP, ND<br />Best Intestine: Small Runner-up: Large<br />Best Place To Buy Books: Daryaganj Runner-up: CP<br />Best Letter box: D1 Janak Puri Crossing Runner-up: DESU colony<br />Best Imaginary Hepatitis: Q Runner-up: Z</p>
<p>Best Name for a Band: Say Hi To Your Mom Runner-up: The Elephant Kashimashi<br />Best Book: V<a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1841954608/qid=1070865063/sr=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/103-5808131-0825434">ernon God Little</a> Runner-up: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0375505245/qid=1070865030//ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i0_xgl14/103-5808131-0825434?v=glance&#038;s=books&#038;n=507846">Masters of Doom</a><br />Best Place to Get a wicked Tattoo: Nathaniel&#8217;s, Palika Runner-up: Bubblegum<br />Best Homicidal Maniac: Nny Runner-up: Squee<br />Best Samrat Sharma: The geek who lives in ND and writes this stupid blog. Runner-up: The First Class Cricketer from Punjab</p>
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