Samrat Sharma

Kill Jim

I adore spam. No really, I do. The fine people behind the lovely colorful emails you get in the morning are just good samaritans trying to bring some things to your attention. And they work exceedingly hard at it. The fact that you’re a man, and would look ridiculous with ‘BIGGER BREASTS! HUGE BREASTS IN 30 DAYS!’ makes no nevermind to them.

Come to think of it, we are just tied down with what we have been taught as ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. Break the shackles people, and open your mind. See the naked, raw truth thats staring you in the face with an ice cold look that can come only with being naked. Maybe mustachioed, burly men SHOULD have bigger breasts. Look at Hulk Hogan, he seems to have taken their advice. Maybe pretty girl next door will become more popular among the LADIES when she sports her SUPER ENLARGED penis. Maybe 5’4″ guys weighing 53 kilos NEED to lose weight too. Maybe everybody should have FORTY ONE credit cards. And a hojillion house loans. Have you ever opened your mind to that? Did you even think how much you miss that SUPER DISCOUNT on dog food?

Whats that? You don’t have a dog? Well, thats exactly the kind of naysaying that symbolizes all the wrong in this world. Shame on you. Suddenly you’re too good for discounted dog food, eh? Have you ever thought about the feelings of poor Jim? Jim, whose only solace in his lonely sad life is sending informative messages to YOU. Jim, the guy who spends eight hours every day finding out the best possible way to make your life better. He senses your inner self. He even tells you about ‘HORNY ASIAN XXX WOMEN’, knowing full well how much you like Asian women with horns. Why would you ignore poor Jim? Why won’t you ‘CLICK HERE! CLICK HERE NOW!’?

Bah! Intelligent, sane people! All they seem to be saying is “Fuck you, Jim”. Damnations. Lemme check my email while I’m posting this….

*ding!

Aaaaargh! FUCK YOU JIM!

Geeks of a Feather

Remember my apprehensions about the Punisher movie? Well, when I saw the new Hellboy movie website, I cried with joy. This kindled in me the sort of curiosity only intense Googling could satiate. And I set out on a quest for truth. A weekend of browsing on comic book movies gave me a lot of useless information, which I shall proceed to distribute amongst you fine, bored people. Geek alert though.
Everybody knows about Doc Ock and Spidey, so I won’t waste my breath on that. Neither that nor the Catwoman movie with Halle Berry. But here’s the good and the bad news.

Good:

Batman:Intimidation. Directed by Christopher Nolan, the guy who directed Memento, and Insomnia. Christian Bale is Batman, and I liked him in Equilibrium. Michael Caine is Alfred Pennyworth. How cool is that?
A separate Elektra movie. Not directed by the original nincompoop. And has the master Stick vs. The Hand story arch. Could be interesting.
A movie on Fantastic Four. Yay! Although still in the scripting stage, I’m excited coz its being written by Chris Columbus, and the guy who wrote Goldeneye, and Hulk. And Susan Storm is Mercedes McNab. Perfect.

Iron Man. Iron Man. Guys who wrote Smallville. Iron Man.
And as if you didn’t expect it, Bryan Singer is back with X-Men 3. I think they’re gonna concentrate on the Phoenix story, and possibly Wolverine’s origin at Weapon-X. New characters rumored to be in X3 include Gambit, Beast, Angel, Psylocke, Emma Frost, Dazzler, Juggernaut and possibly the Sentinels.
And I picked up news that Wolfgang Peterson wants to make a LOBO movie. Most intelligent piece of brain exercise from the guy.

Bad:

They’re making Daredevil 2. I hate Ben Affleck, and I hated the original movie. No Hand, no Stick.
CGI Garfield, starring Bill Murray. I like Garfield, and I like Bill, but this is something that should’ve been left alone.
There was a Superman Vs. Batman movie, and Wolfgang Peterson was supposed to direct. I even read the script review, and it could’ve rocked. Now they’ve cancelled it because it might be too dark. Even if they make it now, I’m not interested. Who wants a Batman with lively shades of yellow?
Superman 5. You know who they chose to direct it? McG. The guy who wouldn’t know cinema if it came and hit him in the ‘nads. Twice.

There you have it. Of course there’s more useless information where that came from(Rex Mundi, Wonder Woman), and you know where to find me.