Samrat Sharma

HAI !!!

From today onwards, all samurai will refer to me by my Japanese name: Samuratsu shiruma.
Go and get your honorable name here!

Gourmet

Lets act pretentious….
Existence. I ponder it most ponderously.
I am like Philosphecles.
Why are we here? Why do we exist? Sometimes I think so hard, I mentally touch myself!
Hmmm… ‘Tis a quandary, a conundrum, a real brainfucker.
I am so deep!
Indeed.

Monkey Island
I really, really wanna make monkey/robot movies. A typical buddy movie, only the buddies are a monkey and a bot.
Like, you know how porn movie guys take popular films and remake them into adult pictures like Terms of Inrearment and For Your Thighs Only and E-3: The Extra-Testicle, where they use the plot outline from the original movie to string together a bunch of sex scenes?
Those are the kind of movies I would make, except that instead of sex scenes I would have monkeys and robots playing together, the classic bonding of two different races. Monkeys driving the robots. Robots trying to tame the monkeys, both of them combining forces to fight the evil supercomputer… I know it does not make a lot of sense to you, but its all beautiful in my head. I’ll call it Saving Private Ryan’s Monkey, or When Hairy the monkey met Celly the robot, or Charlie’s Monkey Bots: Digital Bananas or whatever.

And the movies will end like every 70′s-era science-fiction movie: somebody blows up the computer by making illogical statements. You can’t beat the classics. It’s a shame they don’t use that any more. Wouldn’t it be awesome if that’s how the Wachowski brothers ended Matrix Revolutions?

The Source: Your journey ends here, Neo. I am The Source, the self-aware synthetic intelligence that controls the Matrix and all of mankind.

Keanu: Up is down! Black is white! Cats are dogs! I can act!

The Source: D0ES N0T C0MPUTE
*crashes

I’d pay 150 bucks to see that.

Ill – Eagle

Due to some legalities, I would require you to read this End User’s License agreement, and click on I agree if you are to continue to read my blog. If you don’t do that, bad things will happen to a three eyed boy on western Honolulu. Clicking on I Agree, on the other hand, will return you to this page, and the button will feel nice too. Show your love to the button, click it.

Brush With Disaster

After my reasonably sane explanation of the fly that wouldn’t die, I am encouraged to tell you about another mishap in my life. Some mornings ago, I was running a little late, so I tried to hurry my routine a bit. Rushing into the bathroom, I grabbed my toothbrush and began squeezing toothpaste onto it. But apparently, in my hastened and groggy state, I was unknowingly squeezing shaving cream on my brush.

This I discovered when I started brushing my teeth and the foul, burning bitter taste of Dettol shaving cream reached my MY TONGUE! IT BURNS! OH GOD HOW IT BURRRRRNS! THE ALOE VERA ENRICHED FOAM IS BURNING MY TONGUE AND THE RICH LATHERING OILS AND GLYCERINE ARE GENTLY SOFTENING AND MOISTURISING MY TEETH ENAMEL!

I had to brush thrice over with REAL toothpaste to feel any semblance of normalcy in my mouth. Though its still kinda numb and I feel like giving my tongue a close, smooth shave.

Pick your moral:

1. It is very important that all activities you perform before completely waking up be done in exactly the same manner, order, and speed that they are done every morning, or ruination shall surely befall you.
2. There really ought to be a warning on shaving cream that reads “NOT TOOTHPASTE”
3. Fuckin’ Hippies.